Friday, February 5, 2016

Freakin' A Friday!! 014 - Carbo-Loading for the Couch

 Has this happened to you?!

You are walking into the grocery store fully prepared with your list of healthy foods and meals, you've avoided coming on an empty stomach because that just leads to bad things, and as soon as you walk in the door, you are greeted face first by one of these...

You literally have to do a lateral just to get around it because it is blocking your move.

Yup!  Someone at the marketing department decided you need just ONE more test of your will.  They don't care that you don't watch football or that you specifically don't eat ANY of those foods.  Well...  Actually they do.  They want to break you!!  They put all the bad, tasty, and empty calorie foods right in front of you.  "Just try to say no!" 

Long ago, you adopted the practice of only shopping on the outside of the grocery store layout, not going into the aisles so that you could avoid all the temptations of the prepackaged food varieties.  But NOOOOO!!!  That's not enough.  Now you can't walk in the door without the all might marketing dollar being flaunted in your face.

When will they start putting up signs at the door that say

"Did you get 5 servings of fruits & veggies today?
Visit our produce department!!"

"Looking for a little spice to your meals?
Visit our seafood department for our fresh catch of the day!?

No!  It'll never happen.  Marketing doesn't care about your health.  And neither do sports. 

You walk past all the displays of chips, cookies, pop (soda), pizza, an endless variety of appetizers, and who knows what else because you put on the blinders at this point because you know it's WAY before taper time when you need to think about carbo-loading.  And then it hits you...

Why are football fans carbo-loading? 


Why are they carbo-loading DURING the game?

All they're going to do is sit on the couch and yell at the tv!  Sure, there might be some power driven squats or jumps off the couch to the celebration of a play, or a fist pump, high five, or cheer, but their calorie expenditure will certainly be in the majority of the lower end range.  They certainly are not familiar with how sports nutrition works.  They probably even picked up some sports drinks so that they can feel like their in the game because "Who drinks water?!"

Carry on athletes!

Walk with confidence past the chips and pick up your bananas.  Steer clear of the pizza and stock that cart with items for your veggie stir fry.  Avoid the corn dog and mozzarella stick appetizers and fill up on some lean meat or seafood.  Trust me, no one else is going to be going for it, so you'll have those sections of the store all to yourself.

Training does not stop for Football!
Even if that means a 4 hour trainer ride while you watch the game.

Freakin' A!!

Friday, January 29, 2016

Freakin' A Friday!! 013 - Human Vortex Magnets

Has this happened to you?!

Have you ever been sucked into a human vortex magnet? 

No, I'm not talking about Facebook.  These are physical vortexes at specific locations that pull you down to the ground like a piece of metal coming close to a magnet and being sucked directly to it.

Yes, they exist!

In my experience, there are more that exist out in the woods.  You're running along, enjoying nature, ignoring the possibility of coming face to face with Mother Nature, and all of a sudden BAM!!  You are sucked directly to the ground, your breath is blown out of your lungs, and you're wildly trying to figure...  HUH?! 

Where am I?
I was running though the gorgeous green woods and now I'm not moving and staring at dirt.
Did someone hit me?
Is this a nightmare?

Nope!  Just another human vortex magnet trying to suck me into the deep crevices of the earth.  Gosh I hate when they do that!

I've managed to avoid being dragged into the dark depths, but not without battle wounds! 

Then again a couple months later on a sidewalk in broad daylight, it strikes again!

The battle was a win, but the war is NOT OVER!!  Bring it vortices!  You will not get me.

Freakin' A!!!

Friday, January 22, 2016

Freakin' A Friday!! 012 - Did I Do That?

Has this happened to you??

You're at the pool (or maybe on the trainer with your bike or out on a run at the track) just getting in your workout for the day.

You're just starting one of the main focus sets/intervals when the world decides that 'making this easy' is a step below you and BAM!!!!

...your Hulk strength breaks the paddle right from under your hand.  Someone up above is laughing at you, you swear it!

Gosh darnit!  
That's what I get for doing swim strength for four months straight.
(Not really.  That's what I get for gripping the paddle wrong!)

But what do I do now?!  I have a paddle set that I need to do.  The paddle is broken.  Do I swim with just one paddle?  Do I do the set without the paddle?  Do I go home because the world has sent me a sign that I'm done for the day?

Nope!  You grab your 2nd pair of paddles (oh-yes!  You're a Type A and have back ups [thanks to a review you're working on for additional paddles]) and say "Take That World!" as you continue on.  Of course you note in the training log that there was extra rest before that interval too.

Have you had equipment break (or not work) on you when you needed it?
What did you do?

Freakin' A!!!

Friday, January 15, 2016

Freakin' A Friday!! 011 - Rumbly in my Tumbly

Has it happened to you??

Maybe you're out on a long ride, a long morning run (without breakfast), somewhere in the middle of the open water, or just at the local gym on the other side of town lifting...


Your body starts talking to you.  Sure, at first it's just air moving around as chyme is moving out of your stomach via the pyloric sphincter into your duodenum (can you tell I'm brushing up on A&P and nutrition?). 

You reach for a gel, bar, chew, or the like and Gosh Darnit, you're out!

It doesn't even bother you.  Totally normal.  In fact, it means you're lighter than if you had eaten that extra snack/meal you considered earlier.  That means you're faster, right?  Awesome!!

Sure, it's loud, but it'll go away.  ...right?

I'll just drink some more water; fill up that space and take care of the Ghrelin signal that I'm hungry.  I'm so smart!!

I'm just too focused on it!  That's it!  If I can distract myself, it'll go away and won't have any effect.


I think my stomach is starting to eat itself.  Okay buddy, speed up here and we'll get home to eat quicker before it gets any worse!

Ah Hell, I've increased my metabolism and my innards are cannibalizing my other organs.

My body is going to become a black hole of hunger, consuming everything within reach and slowly sucking the universe into it's dark depths!!  Goodbye cruel world!!


Yup...  It's hunger.  Maybe you didn't get enough.  Maybe you didn't get the right thing.  Maybe you spilled most of it on your shirt.  However it happened, you are stranded with a constant nagging reminder of your hunger

To be honest, it always make me think of Pooh Bear and his constant search for hunny. 

Oh Bother!!

Friday, January 8, 2016

Freakin' A Friday!! 010 - "I Forgot"

Which is it?!

It's morning.  You wake up, get a quick bite to eat, and slowly get ready for your workout.  Of course there's a little procrastination in the speed of your preparations, but oh-well.  Fill a bottle, pack your bag, grab the Bodyglide, write down the workout...  You've got time.

Somewhere in the process you remember that you forgot to wash your bike shorts, left your wet swim suit at the bottom of the bag, failed to pick up the nutrition you knew you were out of, blanked on a meeting/appointment/errand that you had, or all of the above.  OMG!  What do I do?!

We've all done it!

The next five minutes (or two hours) are spent asking yourself a number of questions...

"What do I do?"
"Do I want to do it anyways?"
"Can I get away without doing it?"
"Will coach yell at me?"
"Will I feel bad if I just skip it?"
"Can I get it done LATER?"
"Maybe this is a sign"
"I'd be a badass if I do it anyways!"
"Bragging rights!!"
"...or I could take a nap!"

What to do!  What to do!  Which side will prevail?  The Type A Triathlete or the Type L (for lazy) Devil on your Shoulder?  Did you honestly forget something or was it your subconscious attempting to undermine your efforts?

"If I honestly forget it,
then my Type A side doesn't have to feel guilty!"

Nice try!

Freakin' A!!

Friday, January 1, 2016

Freakin' A Friday!! 009 - New Year, Same Old Me

Every year I hear it...

"Come out with us!"
"Stay up!  It's fun."
"Why are you in bed so early?!"
"You're no fun."

You know me!  I haven't changed.  I have work and workouts to do tomorrow. 

Early to bed = Early to Rise.

I do the same thing each of the other 364 days of the year.  Why are you surprised today?

Enjoy your New Year's Eve.  I'll enjoy my lack of a hangover on New Year's Day.

Freakin' A!!

Friday, December 25, 2015

Freakin' A Friday!! 008 - What the Holiday?

As a fitness professional, my schedule tends to be the opposite of most people.  When you're busy at work, I'm off doing my workouts and work around the house.  When you're out of work, I clock in!  And when there is a holiday - major or minor - it's just another day for me.  That fact alone has caused some frustrating incidents!

Where is everyone?

It's a Monday/Friday just like any other week and I decide to catch up on some errands before work.  In the spring and fall, I will head over to the town hall to drop off my tax payments.  To my surprise, the typically packed parking lot is empty.  It's 10am.  Where is everyone?  It's not until I get to the door and see the sign "Closed for [Insert Holiday]."

Gosh Darnit!

Columbus Day, President's Day, Labor Day, Memorial Day, July 4th, etc.  I never remember when any of those are! 

Or it happens this way...

Where did everybody come from?

I'm at work and all of a sudden I take notice of the people around the gym.  Either it's simply over packed for the time, there's a lot of kids there during school hours, or I start to see the regular evening goers working out well before their 5pm work release time.  What gives?  If it's a few people, maybe they just took a personal day, but after a certain number, I know I've missed something.  Eventually somebody clues me into whatever holiday I've neglected.  With luck, it's not anything I had to prep for!  haha

So can you do me a favor?
Tell me when the next holiday is.
I'll probably miss it otherwise.

Freakin' A!!!